When Life Interrupts The Calendar With Integrity with Ingeborg Mooiweer

Your day is planned, your questions are ready, and then the phone rings: real life just took over. That moment forces a choice most of us dread making out loud, cancel or reschedule, and then deal with the guilt spiral that follows. We slow the whole thing down and look at what’s actually happening beneath the surface when plans collapse, especially when work commitments collide with family emergencies, health issues, or simple human limits.

Together with Ingeborg Mooiweer, we unpack the biggest misconception about rescheduling: that it automatically means you “let someone down”. Most of the time, the drama lives in our own heads, while the other person adapts, moves on, and appreciates clarity. We talk about why showing up half-present is often worse than moving the meeting, and how saying “not right now” can be a real act of reliability, integrity, and trust.

We also go deeper into the roots of overcommitting, people pleasing, and the pressure to perform. Ingeborg explains how childhood survival mechanisms can create adult patterns like the “performer” and the “harmoniser”, and why insight alone rarely changes behaviour when stress hits. We share practical boundary-setting tools, including building new neural pathways through repetition and using small, low-stakes “no” moments to retrain your nervous system with compassion.

If you want healthier work-life balance, better boundaries, and a calmer way to reschedule without shame, this conversation will give you language and practice you can use immediately. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs permission to pause, and leave a review telling us: where do you most need to say “not right now”?

Transcript

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When Plans Collapse

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Dear listeners, you know, like there's this moment that happens when everything you have planned just stops. It happens, right? I mean, in most of our life it happens. And you are about to record a conversation. You have prepared your questions, you have kind of cleared your afternoon, and then your phone rings. Your son broke his finger. You are in the hospital, and suddenly the podcast, the schedule, the whole performance of keeping it together doesn't matter at all. What matters is showing up for what's real, that moment, that choice to pause, to reschedule, to let someone know that life comes first. It's not a disruption, I'd say. It's actually the most human thing to

Welcome And Why Life Comes First

SPEAKER_00 0:48

do.

unknown 0:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

So dear listeners, I'm your host, Ivek, and you are listening to Mind Meets Machine, the podcast where we slow down enough to notice what's happening beneath the surface of hearties. And today I'm speaking with a very loved guest. Please welcome Ingborg Boyber. So welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Thank you very much for having me.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Amazing, amazing. So, dear listeners, like before we get into the discussion, I'll quickly love my tools with Ingborg. So, dear listeners, like sh I mean what it means to reschedule with compassion when life happens, right? So, this is something which we'll get to definitely learn from her. And also, I mean, obviously, rescheduling with compassion when life happens. This is this is I believe most of us have been into those situations but never thought like this way, right? So today is the great opportunity to learn from her and pick up those moments from our daily life where somehow we had somehow we just pass those moments, but it is very grateful when we learn more about it. So uh let's get started.

The Guilt Myth Around Rescheduling

SPEAKER_00 1:50

So I definitely like to ask you about like when some I mean something urgent pulls us uh away from our plans like a family emergency or an unexpected crisis. We often feel this wave of guilt or anxiety about letting others down. So, what do you think uh is the biggest misconception that people have about rescheduling our changing plans when life demands it?

SPEAKER_01 2:17

I would think, or what I heard as well from my clients, is that they make it a lot bigger in their heads, like they let someone down. And obviously, in a sense, they might do that a bit because they need to reschedule, they plan accordingly, and then they're sort of let down, quote unquote, let down by their guest or by their colleague or whatever. But usually what I find is that in the person who is rescheduling, they make it much bigger in their head because you know something happens and they're emotional and things like that, and they think, oh, and then I have to let down such and such. Well, as for the other person, they just usually continue with that day. They think, okay, oh, I can do something else, you know, that's fine. We reschedule, it's fine, they got a hundred other things to do. It's not that big of a deal. And the thing is, it it says something that's more my line of work, but it says something about a person when you feel guilty about choosing yourself, because that's basically what you do in that moment. You choose because what you said, a hospital, things like that, and that's needed because that's life as well. It's not just work or just family, it could be both, or it should be both, actually.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

Yeah, yeah. So if someone is sitting with that guilt right now, maybe uh they have had uh to cancel something

What Rescheduling Communicates

SPEAKER_00 3:42

important, then what would you want them to understand about what rescheduling actually communicates to the other person?

SPEAKER_01 3:50

That they realizing what where their priorities are, and it's perfectly healthy to choose something and an emergency in your personal life because the thing is what happens if you won't reschedule and you still go to that meeting, you're only halfway half there. Your mind is elsewhere, you can't really communicate properly, uh, you're anxious, whatever, you're not there. Really, it's better to reschedule and be a hundred percent there the next time than sort of half, half. Yeah, I mean, your mind is elsewhere, and you should have your priorities right. And the thing is, I find that the older you become, most often people start realizing that's where the priorities lie. Big uh uh a good relationship at home, a good family life, things like that. That's a foundation, and you can do your work better if you focus on that. So, yeah, what is it? Early a balance, it should be both. And in some instances, you just have to drop everything and just be there at home.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

That's interesting, yeah. And definitely I think that we forget that people worth keeping in our lives

Integrity And Giving Others Permission

SPEAKER_00 5:05

are the ones who understand that showing up for what matters most is not the fleckness, it's integrity. So when you say that life comes first, you are not breaking the trust. You are actually you're actually modeling what trust looks like in real time. So that's what I feel.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Yeah, and and yeah, yeah, and you know what it's showing people as well. It's giving the you're giving them permission to do the same, actually. Yeah, if you if you walk on that path, then you show other people like, okay, but it's normal to go home when something happens at home. Not a small thing, but real, you know, proper things, and that you should be at home. And that's what's life is about as well. You know, we're not robots, you're not a machine, you got to continue, continue. We're emotional beings, that's the whole thing. We're not rational at all. That's what we think, but we're not. So sometimes emotions take over, and it's best to give in, you know, and and take care of the things you should take care of, and then come back refreshed and be there, really present to do your work.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Exactly

Why We Overperform

SPEAKER_00 6:18

true. And and also, like I mean, there's often this deeper uh underneath our resistance, a deeper pattern that I mean to which is related to the rescheduling or asking for flexibility. So and some of us were raised to believe that reliability means never changing course or that being dependable means ignoring our own needs. So, where do you think this pressure to kind of stick to plans no matter what actually comes from?

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Is I would say that sounds like survival mechanisms. Something which happened in your childhood, usually between zero and seven, something you didn't get, and then children start developing survival mechanisms.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Is it is it related to something uh the childhood trauma or what?

SPEAKER_01 7:11

Well it actually is. Yeah, maybe the word trauma is really deep and big, and people get like, oh my, I don't have trauma. But trauma is a term in in the therapy world, that's just how you call it. And it's it's one of these survival mechanisms or survival coach, you you can call it as well, is like the performer. So you always have to perform, you're there, the hyper-achiever, which is part of it, which is one of the archetypes which falls under the performer. That's that's something you just said. That's the person who thinks always have to be there, they depend on me. If I don't do it, then whatever happens. And the thing behind it is that people perform because they want to get something back, mostly unconsciously. You know, they're not thinking, oh, I'm going to do this and then I get back. No, it's usually not like that. It's unconsciously. So they get something in return, and that feels good. So they do it again. So mostly we are like beings with all this, it's it's called patterns as well. With we are a bundle of patterns, basically. That's that's what we are as people, and this drives us, and it could be good, but sometimes it's not, it works against you after a while. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

And obviously, it's really interesting, like how we can be so understanding when someone else needs to reschedule, but when it is us, we treat it like a character plot. Maybe the work is learning to extend to ourselves the same grace we did offer a friend without kind of hesitation. So yeah. And if you if we talk about our daily life, everyday life, this tension shows up, I mean, about to say, it's all the time, right? I mean, a work meeting conflicts

People Pleasing In Daily Life

SPEAKER_00 8:58

with a children's school schedule or the school event schedule, a social commitment which is which gets overlapped with the moment that when you really just need the rest. So, how does this pattern of overcommitting or ignoring our real priorities reveal itself in the small and ordinary day of life?

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Well, then usually what you see is that's one of these survival cultures, so one is the performer and one is the the harmonizer, that's the people pleaser. That's someone who finds it very difficult to say no, so they usually say yes to all these commitments, even if they can't make it. And they just think, but I'll, you know, work a bit harder and I just managed to do this and do that, and maybe I can skip this a bit and then do that. It's it's hard to say no for them because they don't want to let people down. That's all stemming from childhood as well. All this like the survival codes and the archetypes is something which started and developed unconsciously again in childhood just to survive, hence the name survival mechanism. You need to do that to be safe, emotionally safe. That's that's the whole foundation underneath all of this. Children need to be safe, that's how they can grow up. They need something for that, and sometimes that's lacking. Sometimes emotional safety, sometimes it's love, and then you develop something because you need to survive. That's that's the whole thing. And yeah, it's part of your character as well, which one you sort of use, which one fits you best, which one gets you something. That's it's you know, it's a very smart way actually, of children in doing that way, and and it's it's really good until it's not, that's until it works against you.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

So, what did you tell yourself in those moments when you notice that you have overcommitted

Building New Habits And Neural Paths

SPEAKER_00 10:55

again or where the guilt feels louder than your clarity?

SPEAKER_01 11:00

Well, the thing is what you actually should do is change that foundation because the the the the the the the people pleaser in itself, it's nice if you do things for other people, but if you overextend yourself all the time, then you worn yourself out. And just saying something to yourself is is a sort of trick that that's well it works maybe a little bit, but when the pressure is on, you forget it because it's not a habit, it's not automatic. You need to get a new neural pathway in your mind. You know, you've got this road here, and then you say yes all the time, and then you have to make a new one where you say yes sometimes and no a lot, but that needs practice and doing and repeating, that's how the mind works. You need to repeat things over and over and over again, and then that's the new road in a simple way, explained in a simple way, but that's that's how it works. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

And I think the practice is not about getting it perfect, it's all about noticing, recalibrating, and yeah, kind of remembering that every time you choose what's real over what's expected, you are teaching yourself that your life, your presence, your your attention, it all matters. And that lesson doesn't fade just because you stumble.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

So yeah, and and you can always start over again. You know, if you if one day you are set too many yeses in your mind, then the next day you can start over again. And there's always a new moment, you know, and even in in in a few seconds you can start over again. Okay, next time someone asks me something, I will say no. And if you do, that's

Baby Steps For Saying No

SPEAKER_01 12:50

good. You know, then you work on yourself and then repeat that baby steps, like baby steps all the time.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So if you have to give one advice to the listeners today, what will you? Well, I've got plenty of advice, but regarding what? Regarding what? I mean, in general, if you have to say on rescheduling or from from daily life, if you have to say.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

Well, I would say become of your become aware of your own demons, if I may say so. And if they well, usually they don't help you, but seek help, do something about it, try baby steps, what we just talked about. Try it with like someone who is emotionally safe for you, and not not a real challenge, but something small in a shop or something, and they say, Oh, is it okay if I put some more in it? And you will say, No, no, that's not okay. I just want two lemons and no th not three things like that. One's very easy in the supermarket, try it over there, you know, it works, and keep on doing that. And and make sure that you are compassionate with yourself. Every step you take is one, and that's an accomplishment. Exactly. But a lot of people are very critical of themselves, and that's part of the whole thing we talked about earlier as well. That you can change as well. But these things are very simple in the supermarket, in the shop, at the bus station, whatever, things which are sort of easy, and just you know, try to say no. If you overextend and then you think you don't want to go to the commitment, send an email, give them a call, say, Oh, I'm sorry, I can't make it. And then deal with the guilt, obviously, but you have to start somewhere to make changes. It's not enough. The insight in your head is not going to change it. That's the whole thing. You need them, obviously. You need to do see the situation as it is, but you need to practice, you need to do something. So that will be my advice for anything you want to change, make small steps, and every step is good.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Every step is good, and that's really amazing. And if listeners

Where To Find Ingeborg

SPEAKER_00 15:05

want to connect with you, how they can connect?

SPEAKER_01 15:06

They can find me uh via LinkedIn, if they have LinkedIn, in my full name, Ingeborg Moyer, or they can find my website, metamindbreakthrough.com, and they can find me there. They can find a pattern scan as well if they're really interested in what we talked about, the codes and the archetypes. It's for free, they can do that if they want to, and I'll give some some insights and things which they can do about. So that might be a good first step as well. Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Okay, let's what I'll do is I'll put all the links, details, everything in the show notes for easy reference. And I'll just say the most honest thing that you can say sometimes is not the right not right now. Let's find another time, right? So thank you so much, Ingibox. So thank you for this conversation. It's really different,

Closing Reframe And Farewell

SPEAKER_00 15:55

really connecting uh with our daily life, which I I really feel. And I mean, what stays with me from this conversation is that rescheduling is not a failure of commitment, it is kind of recalibration towards what is true. So life does not wait for our I mean carefully organized calendars, and the people who matter, the ones building something real with us, they don't need our perfection, they need our presence when it counts, right? So yeah, I mean so the next time dear listeners, you find yourself in the hospital with your son, that should nothing happens like this with any one of you. Everyone stay safe, always stay happy in your life. But still, I'm just for an example, I'm just sharing like if this kind of situation happens with you or facing any moment that asks you to let go of the plan and show up for what is real, remember that choosing life over performance is not a disruption, it is the whole point. So, with this, this is your host, Arigan. This is Mind Meets Machine. See you in the next one. Thank you.